There’s one attitude toward life that I’ve always envied in my wife—one I still haven’t managed to learn myself.
It’s what I’d call her ability to stay present.
Rather than worrying about the future, my wife has a remarkable gift for immersing herself in whatever is right in front of her, moment by moment. Watching her, I get the sense that she fills her life by repeating small achievements, small joys, small attempts.
Compared to her, I seem to spend far more of my time [making grandiose plans for the future, anticipating and imagining the outcome, and then being crushed by disappointment].
Lately, as I’ve been studying dopamine, the neural system, and neuroscience, I’ve come to think the difference lies right here.
A: The immersion that comes from focusing on small tasks (the prefrontal cortex firing up, producing healthy dopamine)
B: The dopamine you get from imagining the future (the free dopamine that makes the nucleus accumbens drool)
I think it comes down to a difference in which of these you generate.
Because I’ve generated and squandered so much low-quality dopamine compared to my wife, it takes far more ‘energy’ and ‘willpower’ for me to start and immerse myself in a small task. And keeping that going demands still more ‘energy’—the engine overheats—so I feel like I slip back easily, break down, and return to the nucleus accumbens.
I have to turn this vicious cycle into a virtuous one.
Only then will every single day be filled with small moments of immersion and quiet joys,
and only then, in the end, will the success of my life and my financial goals land in my own hands.
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