I was reading a post on Blind about “a hard past, grumbling about life, and a satisfying life,” and it got me thinking:
I am,
both objectively and subjectively, happy and content—
so why do I keep chasing after something?
What is it that keeps making me feel like something’s missing, like there’s a hole to fill?
Why do I keep regretting and beating myself up over not making more money?
A better company, a bigger salary
A wider home and a slick car
A stock that hits it big
The goal: a billion won
Why do I keep yearning for things I can’t control—
things I don’t even really need to achieve?
It’s as if I’m straining to fill the “emptiness” that sits between the happy moments…
To fill that emptiness, I go looking for “stimulation,”
and when I chase the “stimulation,” I find “content” tied to my desires,
and that content vividly “reviews” the “torment” of those desires all over again.
How do I break out of this cycle?
(1) My definition of happiness
= sustainable happiness
= not Happiness at Full
= 80% everyday happiness + 20% breathing room
People tend to chase the illusion of [100% happiness], but that’s only a “moment.”
In the end, what you have to find is “sustainable happiness.”
80% everyday happiness plus a spoonful of some NEW Thang is all it takes.
One of the strategies I tried before was a set of plans I ran under the governance of “one step a day,” and it worked out beautifully—
by spending just one step a day on something new, an attempt, a challenge, growth, learning, and so on,
my mind felt so at ease, as I remember it. There’s no need to strangle yourself sprinting toward 100% happiness.
This is a strategy worth pulling out again.
(2) To fill the 80% of my happiness above
To feel satisfaction in daily life,
I need to shift from a results-oriented protocol to a process-oriented one (doing well: studying quant, studying philosophy),
fit in recovery activities that leave behind something tangible or intangible rather than consumptive amusements (things to try: drawing, leatherwork, freelance work),
and savor the sweetness by dwelling on every moment with my number-zero priority (= family), the most precious thing to me. (doing well: warm meals with family and no phone, doing puzzles with my daughter, talking with my wife, family walks, the playground with my daughter)
(3) To hold onto the 20% above
I’m someone who’s extremely productive and chases efficiency. Unfortunately, as a person who thinks himself clever, I’ve been cursed with an inability to tolerate “empty time”…
Still, when I replay the “ease” I felt on my recent trip to Vietnam—
(-) far from electronics (computer far away, phone far away)
(+) the sky, quiet, free time, a full stomach, good weather
—when it was like that, the torment I usually dwell on didn’t seem to come.
The electronics, especially, seem to be the big thing.
If so, the core of it is,
<Building a system to keep electronics at a distance: digital isolation>
For someone like me who chases high productivity and high efficiency, a “no smartphone” approach that leans on willpower is likely to fail. There’s no basis to make me stop, and the moment my brain feels the emptiness, my hand reaches for a device.
So I have to build a physical system. = Philosophically, too, when discomfort (physical resistance) shows up, a gap opens.
- Turning the bedroom into an analog Zone (gathering the phones in one place)
- Stacking fun books on the living room table
- Locking YouTube with an app blocker (weekdays 17:00–19:30) discomfort
- Turning off the study computer at dawn and lowering all the monitors discomfort
- Leaving things to do on the study desk at dawn (books / leatherwork / drawing / puzzles / Go) anchoring
<Having hobbies more fun than electronics: 100% ownership>
Go, working out, leatherwork, reading & writing, drawing (w. a Korean typewriter, pens, etc.), 3D printing, puzzles,
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