It’s 9:30 AM on Tuesday — back at the office after a Saturday/Sunday/Monday long weekend — and I’m already starting to nod off. My quant runs are humming along, but last night I stayed up late assembling and organizing the drawers in my study, so I skipped my workout and showed up tired, only to be greeted by the gloomy weather of a post-holiday Tuesday. And yet — I’m so, so grateful!! ^^ Because here I am, getting paid to do this quant work I genuinely love, working only as much as we mutually need from each other, and the actual day job at this company is itself pretty fascinating. The fact that I can work this freely, in this good a position, at a decent company — surely some of that is my own doing. I want to say to the heavens and to myself: thank you, well done, you’ve worked hard.
Yesterday I got to watch YouTube recap videos of franchise films like The Hunger Games and Divergent, plus some horror radio shows, all by myself at home — and the only reason I could is that my wife thoughtfully took our little one out to play so I’d have the space. I’m so thankful for that kind of consideration. We’re the kind of couple who naturally look out for each other all the time, so this sort of thing flows out like water — but even so, I think it really matters to notice it and put the gratitude into words. I should tell her right away.
I have dreams and goals, and they’re firm. I’m in my eighth year of quant work, and even today I’m still wrestling with strategies. Meanwhile, at the company, almost everyone is putting their best effort into doing nothing while the days drift by. So I’m deeply grateful to myself. I used to want, someday, to land at an in-house firm — and the fact that I have this mindset, one that hasn’t sunk into inertia, one that lets me walk my own path alone with my head held high, feels like such a stroke of luck and a real blessing. It must be because I’ve become a living composite of my family, every choice I’ve made up to now, responsibility, freedom, failure, expectation, and the experiences that frightened me. I’m especially grateful to my family, who have shaped me so deeply.
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